You'll have to forgive any major typos cause I'm writing this on my phone at 7 in the morning before class and I'm half asleep.
So I'm back in school. Again. For reals this time. Trying to finish my degree. It's gonna be a long process but the first week went ok though I was half asleep the entire time. Work and school together is really hard. :(
Work sucks. I know I should be thankful to have a job but seriously my job sucks. Anyone wanna trade? My boss is a big bully which I know sounds childish but there's just no other way to describe it. He recently forced a transfer of one of my best friends at work just because she stood up to him over some things that were going on. She has since complained to HR and the situation is getting so bad that a lot of my coworkers are sending complaints about him to HR and they are currently shadowing him at work. Which means his been on his best behavior for them. Last week though I was trying to get a shift covered so I could go see my brother compete at state finals for wrestling (:)) and was denied so that another coworker could get the morning off to go play soccer in my bosses adult league. I was pissed. It's actually a much more complicated story than that but that's the gist.
On the boy front... I'm still seeing John. Kinda. We both keep saying we're just going to be friends and coworkers and then we keep ending up in bed together. He is still engaged and he's still my boss and I'm still more emotionally involved than he is. Story of my life. Side note: making out with your boss at work can be fun... Lol
I found out about a month ago that my dad will be filling bankruptcy and we are going to lose the house I've lived in for the majority of my life. I cried for a good solid hour and then realized that its probably a good thing. My mom and I will be able to move into an apartment and she will actually receive her alimony instead of it going directly to a house payment. That being said the word foreclosure is big and scary and we don't actually know how long we have in the house still. It's looming over my head and stressing me out.
My mom fell quite ill on NYE and was in the hospital for a week. Long story short there was a lot of hubbub and they thought she might have tuberculosis but in the end she came out with: double pnuemonia, a lesion on her lung (they couldn't figure that one out) high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. I was really worried about how she was going to adjust but she's actually doing very well and I'm really proud of her.
I finally admitted to my parents that I was raped two years ago while I was away at school. I posted about it after it happened but that was before I had even admitted to myself what actually happened. I then promptly "forgot" about it for the last two years until it had built up so much that it all came out during a fight with my stepmom. As much as I have issues with my stepmom she's actually been a godsend helping me deal with this. I finally told my actual parents two weeks ago. I think they are struggling to figure out how to treat me. They are certainly much more overprotective now than they were a month ago. And my dad seems to feel guilty. Odd that it took me getting raped for him to finally feel that emotion towards me. I still have to tell my dads parents and my aunt and uncle on his side it's just not something I want to do via Skype so it will have to wait until I can make a trip up there. I don't think I'm going to tell anyone on my moms side. It's hard to imagine them even caring so I won't waste my energy.
I suppose I really should update more often I just kinda shut down for a while there. I didn't realize how much not telling anyone about my rape was actually weighing me down but I do feel so much better now. Although now that I'm talking about it it's in the front of my mind and I'm thinking about it a lot more which cause some pretty big mood swings. I feel a little bit crazy most days but that's really nothing new lol. I'm going to start seeing a therapist whenever I get a few hours off of school and work. I think I need to. I hope it will help.
I guess when it rains it pours huh? But actually I'm doing ok. Most days. I love you guys. I miss you terribly. I know I'm a horrible friend for not being here most of the time but even when I'm not here I'm thinking about you. I would love to hear from you all. Some of you have my number if you don't leave me a comment an I will get it to you. I have unlimited texting and I need to make better use of it.
I love you all :)
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